The Midfield

Here are the lads who ran their backsides off…

2016-07-12_21.07.30.jpgName: Stuart

Position: Holding Midfielder, Left midfield, Legless party animal

Goals: 0

Cards: 0

Appearances: 7

Matches: W/D/L: 6/0/1

Nickname: Dr Owen Hunt (Grey’s Anatomy)

Reason for Nickname: Identical twins

Lowlight of Season: Serious internal abdominal injury causing him to miss 6 games

Highlight of Season: Returning at the right time to play in the cup

Brief: Dr Hunt is probably the fittest lad in the side running miles and miles and occasionally kicking a ball. Often gets confused with when the games are on by going on cycle tours in the morning and then complains about being tired in the afternoon. Ignores instructions to stay in position and blames manager for not listening to the captain and the captain for not listening to the manager. Recklessly threw R100 at the manager to finance an new ball and was gutted to find out it costs triple that. Is known to be a “whenwe” in the change room reminiscing about his days as an over 35 manager.

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Name: Adrian aka Spike2016-07-12_21.10.12.jpg

Position: Midfield/Back

Goals: 0

Cards: 0

Appearances: 8

Matches: W/D/L: 6/1/1

Nickname: Spike or The Hobbit

Reason for Nickname: Do you really need to ask?

Lowlight of Season: Took unnecessary abuse for a goal.

Highlight of Season: Started playing in the form of his life and then took the most holidays he has taken in years, missing out on running for player of the season. Could also be the Lowlight of the Season

Brief: Spike is always available when he is available, mainly as a drinking partner for the infamous Fred Flintstone and sometimes also for soccer. Is also rumoured to be  sought after to braai Snoek for MasterChef. Incredible work rate for a lad who is down more to have fun than anything else. Gets down to playing the game and is professionally apolitical. Displayed sterling sportsman characteristics by volunteering to help Edgemead out when they were short and played like a demon defending countless attempts from his own teammates maintaining the scoreline to a miserable 2-0.

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Name: Gavin

Position: Midfield

Goals: 2

Cards: 0

Appearances: 9

Matches: W/D/L: 7/0/2

Nickname: Spongebob

Reason for Nickname: Low center of gravity

Lowlight of Season: Injury after injury

Highlight(s) of Season: Scoring a penalty against Chelsea and a cracker against Edgemead.

Brief: Spongebob made a comeback from a few years of retirement showing a lot of the younger lads (and ladies) it can still be done. Works in the waterfront and claims traffic is bad when he is late for games. Works hard around the midfield but mostly only when he is caffiene-injected. Is known to have taken Red Bull in his coffee instead of water making it to work in record time before returning home to fetch his car. The lad accommodated us in his backyard for practices when he could, but hardly attended blaming time with his girls who were incidentally seen on dates with guys for the evening. Takes a cracker penalty.

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Name: Warren

Position: Right Wing ONLY

Goals: 4

Cards: 0

Appearances: 11

Matches: W/D/L: 8/1/2

Nickname: Mighty Mouse

Reason for Nickname: Have you seen him run?

Lowlight of Season: Shooting for goals and ending up crossing

Highlight of Season: Crossing the ball and ending up scoring in the same game.

Brief: Hard to believe the lad is over 50 as he could probably run the 100m in under 11 seconds. Had a hamstring problem most of the season and treated it by running ten kilometers to “warm up properly”. Once came on in the second half having run more whilst warming up than the whole team combined chasing the ball in the first half. Voted most affable player for always being cheery even when fights broke out all over the field. Is still under the illusion soccer is just a game. Often leaves games early to ensure he gets nookie.

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Name: Neil

Position: Left Wing

Goals: 2

Cards: 0

Appearances: 7

Matches: W/D/L: 4/1/2

Nickname: Sammy Sam

Reason for Nickname: Shoots from left and right and has similar temperament.

Lowlight of Season: Injuring his Achilles and missing the cup

Highlight of Season: Scoring two crackers against Queens Park

Brief: Newbie to the Over 45’s side, Sammy added a new dimension to the squad. Good speed down the left and great crossing, the speedster provided great width in attack. Lad fitted in well bringing family along to support or be entertained, its not quite clear. Can also be called Grumpy for disputing refereeing decisions but a definite prospect for the future. Was missed in the latter half of the season with an injury.

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Name: Clive Cliver

Position: Attacking Midfield occasionally goalkeeper

Goals: 8 (all competitions)

Cards: 0

Appearances: 10

Matches: W/D/L: 8/0/2

Nickname: Ronald Koeman

Reason for Nickname: He IS actually Ronald Koeman out enjoying some footie in the English Premier League’s off season. I mean can you see the difference?

Lowlight of Season: Knee Injury

Highlight of Season: Not knee injury

Brief: Reliving some of his famous young years, this lad comes down to help us score. Occasionally goes out after games to help fellow players score in nightclubs as well.  Played a pivotal role in creating chances, holding up the ball, scoring goals and creating parties like an animal out of nothing. Led Fred Flinstone into temptation several times after Friday night away games. Always has one more before going to a party but has never been known to leave the club on time to go to said parties. Struggles to keep time for Saturday games worse than he is said to do on the dance floor. Nobly changed the date of his annual pilgrimage to Joburg to help out in the final…#respect!

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AlmiroName: Almiro

Position: Midfield, left wing, right wing, striker, defender…simultaneously

Goals: 7 (4 in one game)

Cards: 0

Appearances: 7

Matches W/D/L: 6/1/0

Nickname: The Godfather

Reason for Nickname: Told the manager that he always took a knife to games

Lowlight of Season: Sneezing on the day we played away on an Astroturf and lost

Highlight of Season: Being in Paris for the Euros watching the motherland win.

Brief: Significantly fitter and faster than most Over 45’s in “A” league, the lad could play anywhere on the pitch… except goals where he had a 10 minutes spell in the season and let a goal in. The position exchange with goalkeeper fortunately resulted in Fred Flintone scoring. Also known to select his own side during the game shifting the backline around and arguing with the manager using logic commonly used to persuade pensioners out of life savings. Is known to have tackled more barladies than opposition and isn’t scared to tell them.

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Name: Bruce IMG-20160712-WA0004

Position: Midfield

Goals: 0

Cards: 0

Appearances: 14

Matches: W/D/L: 11/1/2

Nickname: George

Reason for Nickname: None whatsoever

Lowlight of Season: Not scoring

Highlight of Season: Surviving the season without killing any teammates.

Brief: Played wherever the team was short, in goals, at the back, in the middle, on the left but still couldn’t score.