The Forwards

Name: Dereck Dereck 2

Position: Striker

Goals: 11

Cards: 0

Appearances: 12

Matches: W/D/L: 9/1/2

Nickname: Nothing-but-Tame

Reason for Nickname: Has the tendency to lose his cool for the smallest of reasons

Lowlight of Season: Going overseas at a crucial stage of the season

Highlight of Season: Scoring a hattrick against West End

Brief: Made himself available for every occasion, including the unlocking of the changerooms. Never shy to voice his opinion to manager, teammate, referee and especially the Captain. Scored regularly, on the field as well, including a hat trick against West End. Also holds the record for most unbelievable misses from short range. Is believed to be thinning on top as a result of mistiming of headers skimming off his head and taking a few of the last hairs left. Can organise a party out of a few candles. Handles team negotiations against opposition when cards have to be produced. Is also known to have run in a few of the games.


Name: Richard

Position: Striker, Opinion leaderRichard 2

Goals: 12

Cards: 0

Appearances: 13

Matches: W/D/L: 10/1/2

Nickname: Krusty from The Simpsons

Reason for Nickname: Remarkable resemblance

Lowlight of Season:Being reprimanded for screaming at teammates

Highlight of Season: Top goal scorer

Brief: Top scorer for the season in all competitions with a tally of 12 (Excluding Cup Final), the lad certainly could be relied on to score at least one, except in the first game which he managed to do everything but score; has denied opening game stage fright. The lad’s behaviour was the antithesis of his antics from last year with the exception of an out-of-sort day at the office when it wasn’t. Incredible improvement from seasons past where the lad discovered the novel idea of passing to teammates. Also filled the role of Captain for the season, rearranging the side when the manager wasn’t looking and subbing players as he deemed fit knowing the manager, playing on the far side, couldn’t see it. Can always be relied on to be at a game, legs taped like a mummy, even if it is 1 minute to kick-off. Suffers from changeroomphobia.